Saturday, November 26, 2011


Deprivation; The lack or denial of something considered to be a necessity.
Mine is sleep.
Apparently the Black Friday schedule hangs its claws in deep. Unfortunately for me though, I have to be up ready, showered and presents wrapped before 1pm, otherwise Aaron is leaving my ass.
But I figured, as long as this sleep thing stays, imma update this shit.
2nd post of the night here I come. :D

So a while back, I'd say a good couple years I became interested in the things that terrified me the most.
In all good retrospect, I'm a pretty deep onion, (cool story for the Shrek reference right?) I have fears and things that haunt me, just like any other fun and mental person out there. (: I have OCD moments and panic attacks, but I never really could grasp anything real that gave me any kind of "faith".
I had always clung to, the "undesirables", as my Dad would call them, like the people with baggage, or issues not yet dealt with. And I'd be their best friend, and I'd sit and listen to their problems and try and give them honestly just good advice, whether they listened or not I didn't really have power over that.
But since I was young, I could pick up on peoples feelings more-so then the average person. When people were sad, it hit my gut more than anything. I was like a pregnant lady, all hormonal over countless things.
A good period of my life, (I'm going somewhere with this I swear) I was a complete and utter shithead. I had no regard for anyone else's feelings but my own, and I really got away with a lot of stupid and reckless shit. It was in the "Die Young & Saveyourself" stage, that a few, not many, but some are aware of. And during this period, I blocked out a lot of that 'empathy' stuff, I didn't really feel like living was that great of an option, so I made it clear that whatever happened, happened.  But through all the chaos and maddness, I again pulled through. Eventually, my good karma ran out though, got myself in trouble and the people I trusted the most just pretty much bailed. But again, life lessons....

Anyways, back to my point... I had always had this really great Empathy for people, and I could always take feelings that people had and magnify it somehow, and take hold of it. A lot of my anxieties came from this, because earlier on, I had no idea why I could do this, and no clue of how to control it. I started to figure it out, while dating my ex roommate, (sadly) who had this horrible toothache issue. Every so often it would flare up, sometimes without any warning and it would just be pounding aching pain for hours and hours with no avail to ever give up. At the time, I was rather fond of him, and I laid next to him trying whatever I could to get rid of his pain. I was too, at a rather less than sober state, and was unable to really relieve any of the previously known pain in his mouth.
Though, many days later, right where I had a root canal, same side of his pain, general area it fucking hurt so bad that I thought I'd keel over in pain. Later, I had to get surgery on it, but now looking back on it, I had made a spell in my head, not really knowing it to take it away, reduce it and make it gone.

Ironically, I had a lot of friends that were into the Craft, without really knowing it or realizing it I kept finding them around me. Many of my friends were friends of friends and you know the cycle, but I looked at them for advice, and one of my REALLY good friends, a more experienced Witch, gave me the basics to what I wanted to know about the Craft. And I think the thing I liked most about the 'idea' at the time was the, "take what you want from it, and leave the rest" thing.  A lot of people go into the Craft, or get into just to do spells; which I mean makes sense, everyone wants something at one point, without having to do much but wish for it, or ask for it. Those people though, don't hardly get too far, because without working for it somehow and earning it, there isn't much to give or get. 
So I was invited, into a book club for starters, my first real look into what I am, and what I've always been. Some people might think differently, like we're evil or a cult or some other kind of gargin, but I could say the same thing about what they believe. I might not know everything and what I tell them, they can always choose not to listen, but that's their perspective and their effort on the subject.  When people openly choose not to listen I usually quit, I'm not one to knock on their doors and interrupt their dinners to tell them things they don't want to hear. *Ahem* (:

But in all honesty, I enjoy knowing these things now. I may not be the best at what I am, but I'm working towards it, and there are constantly new things to learn about the Craft and other aspects of it. There's evil parts and positive parts, I don't ever dab into the Satanism, because its just bad karma looking for a piece of you to grasp onto. Some people that I know, very advanced people know how to handle that kind of karma, and manipulate it to work with them, instead of against them. But that's far beyond me, and I have no reason to use that kind of Dark Magik, so I just don't (:
I have learned to control I guess you could call it my gift; empathy or an Empath, and I'm learning to use it (for good of course) with Telekinesis, and other kinds of healing or good things like that.  
I've always been told and taught to treat people, like you'd like to be treated. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, for everything else in-between there's Karma, and that works, for sure.

I'm sure I will speak more of this in later thoughts, in the mean time, do some homework, find the greater in what you believe, there's holes in a lot of religious things out there. Spiritual or non, religious or atheist, there's connections everywhere. You just need to open your eyes and notice the things happening around you.

I love this new world I've woken up to see.
So mote be (:

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