Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Le Werkz

Well, hello my dear readers.
As many of you know, for the last few months I've had quite the hardship with jobs and money and things. First Teleperformance (who can suck-it btw), they fired me because of a supervisor mistake, mostly because she was an ignorant bitch that didn't know how to do her job efficiently, but we won't go much into it than that (: --and the job with Subway, which is still lingering in existence that I got the day I KNEW I was getting fired at Telewhatever.
I'm not quite sure if I still have a job with Subway or not. This is what happened though:
I asked my boss, who by the way is 6 years younger than I am, and is still using his parents car, that I wanted to know what I worked all the next week on Saturday. Two days beforehand, like what my Mon-Fri schedule was. He said he would text it to me. HE NEVER DID.
Then like I guess two hours after I was supposed to be there, he says, "oh you missed your shift, I'm taking you off the schedule." I seriously lost it. And after three long grueling hours of going back and forth, he says, "okay, well I'll text you when you are back on the schedule." Here's the best part about it though, the next night, like... idk 10 hours after this bullshit he calls managing, he shoots me another text about 6pm the next night asking if I'm going to be showing up for my evening shift. Then leaves me a voice mail saying if I don't show up I'm fired. I simply told him, "YOU TOOK ME OFF THE SCHEDULE, REMEMBER?!?" He didn't text me, I tried calling him. He didn't call me back. I texted his boss to ask him what was up, his only response was, "You tried talking to him right?" -why no, I just thought the whole world revolved around me and everyone was thinking of me, so I didn't even think to TALK to the guy. I told him exactly what happened and then phrased it like so, "Yes, I've called him and texted him. Its getting ridiculous.  He says what he wants to and then just ignores me whenever I respond back to him. Its like being in high school all over again! This is really unprofessional." Didn't hear from him again either. Soooooo, I really have no idea if I'm still hired or not. Didn't sign anything, or get word that I was fired sooo in all good retrospect, I really have no idea where that job is. I'd really like to know though, because my mom keeps asking if I've heard from them like every single day...

Today though, or I guess Yesterday-November 29th was my first day at McDonalds. For the first like 3 hours I sat on my ass in this extremely uncomfortable chair, and watched these damn orientation movies telling me about cross-contamination and how to treat rude guests, (things I neverrrr ever thought to know from my other 8+ years in fast food restaurant jobs) and I completed all my tests and then they had me clean the entire lobby for the remainder of my shift.
I sincerely started out saying to myself, "yay, I've got a job and a REAL paycheck now.." and I believe half way through sweeping with quite the fail broom, "this job doesn't pay me enough". Also, I remember these two boys that sat at this one table while I was cleaning around them for like 15 minutes, listening to really crappy trance music and talking about shit, and I looked over at one of these individuals while I was cleaning the tables, and I really said in my head, "dude, you are inside a building and its DARK outside, take off the damn sunglasses." lol. Then they left me their trash to pick up after them. >.> Keel.

In other news though I had a really great time with my bestfriend Bekkah tonight (:
We totally had a girls night out, and went out to eat and sat through mostly horrible karaoke night at Applebee's and talked about putting money away for an apartment and at LEAST 6 months of rent for it. Its gonna be brilliant! (: We're gonna get a townhouse, and I'm stoked. At least somettthing is going good with that. Plus we work at the same place and its super easy, I hope we both get raises soon that'd be super awesome. I'm kinda scared for the Holidays though, its gonna be brutal. Shhh, that doesn't count as one. Inside joke....with an older person.. he doesn't have an online account. I win. Goodnight. :D

Saturday, November 26, 2011


Deprivation; The lack or denial of something considered to be a necessity.
Mine is sleep.
Apparently the Black Friday schedule hangs its claws in deep. Unfortunately for me though, I have to be up ready, showered and presents wrapped before 1pm, otherwise Aaron is leaving my ass.
But I figured, as long as this sleep thing stays, imma update this shit.
2nd post of the night here I come. :D

So a while back, I'd say a good couple years I became interested in the things that terrified me the most.
In all good retrospect, I'm a pretty deep onion, (cool story for the Shrek reference right?) I have fears and things that haunt me, just like any other fun and mental person out there. (: I have OCD moments and panic attacks, but I never really could grasp anything real that gave me any kind of "faith".
I had always clung to, the "undesirables", as my Dad would call them, like the people with baggage, or issues not yet dealt with. And I'd be their best friend, and I'd sit and listen to their problems and try and give them honestly just good advice, whether they listened or not I didn't really have power over that.
But since I was young, I could pick up on peoples feelings more-so then the average person. When people were sad, it hit my gut more than anything. I was like a pregnant lady, all hormonal over countless things.
A good period of my life, (I'm going somewhere with this I swear) I was a complete and utter shithead. I had no regard for anyone else's feelings but my own, and I really got away with a lot of stupid and reckless shit. It was in the "Die Young & Saveyourself" stage, that a few, not many, but some are aware of. And during this period, I blocked out a lot of that 'empathy' stuff, I didn't really feel like living was that great of an option, so I made it clear that whatever happened, happened.  But through all the chaos and maddness, I again pulled through. Eventually, my good karma ran out though, got myself in trouble and the people I trusted the most just pretty much bailed. But again, life lessons....

Anyways, back to my point... I had always had this really great Empathy for people, and I could always take feelings that people had and magnify it somehow, and take hold of it. A lot of my anxieties came from this, because earlier on, I had no idea why I could do this, and no clue of how to control it. I started to figure it out, while dating my ex roommate, (sadly) who had this horrible toothache issue. Every so often it would flare up, sometimes without any warning and it would just be pounding aching pain for hours and hours with no avail to ever give up. At the time, I was rather fond of him, and I laid next to him trying whatever I could to get rid of his pain. I was too, at a rather less than sober state, and was unable to really relieve any of the previously known pain in his mouth.
Though, many days later, right where I had a root canal, same side of his pain, general area it fucking hurt so bad that I thought I'd keel over in pain. Later, I had to get surgery on it, but now looking back on it, I had made a spell in my head, not really knowing it to take it away, reduce it and make it gone.

Ironically, I had a lot of friends that were into the Craft, without really knowing it or realizing it I kept finding them around me. Many of my friends were friends of friends and you know the cycle, but I looked at them for advice, and one of my REALLY good friends, a more experienced Witch, gave me the basics to what I wanted to know about the Craft. And I think the thing I liked most about the 'idea' at the time was the, "take what you want from it, and leave the rest" thing.  A lot of people go into the Craft, or get into just to do spells; which I mean makes sense, everyone wants something at one point, without having to do much but wish for it, or ask for it. Those people though, don't hardly get too far, because without working for it somehow and earning it, there isn't much to give or get. 
So I was invited, into a book club for starters, my first real look into what I am, and what I've always been. Some people might think differently, like we're evil or a cult or some other kind of gargin, but I could say the same thing about what they believe. I might not know everything and what I tell them, they can always choose not to listen, but that's their perspective and their effort on the subject.  When people openly choose not to listen I usually quit, I'm not one to knock on their doors and interrupt their dinners to tell them things they don't want to hear. *Ahem* (:

But in all honesty, I enjoy knowing these things now. I may not be the best at what I am, but I'm working towards it, and there are constantly new things to learn about the Craft and other aspects of it. There's evil parts and positive parts, I don't ever dab into the Satanism, because its just bad karma looking for a piece of you to grasp onto. Some people that I know, very advanced people know how to handle that kind of karma, and manipulate it to work with them, instead of against them. But that's far beyond me, and I have no reason to use that kind of Dark Magik, so I just don't (:
I have learned to control I guess you could call it my gift; empathy or an Empath, and I'm learning to use it (for good of course) with Telekinesis, and other kinds of healing or good things like that.  
I've always been told and taught to treat people, like you'd like to be treated. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, for everything else in-between there's Karma, and that works, for sure.

I'm sure I will speak more of this in later thoughts, in the mean time, do some homework, find the greater in what you believe, there's holes in a lot of religious things out there. Spiritual or non, religious or atheist, there's connections everywhere. You just need to open your eyes and notice the things happening around you.

I love this new world I've woken up to see.
So mote be (:

Spirit Guides

Over the last few years, I've found myself in the Pagan, or Neo-Pagan religion. Yes, its really a religion, no I'm not just talking out of my ass. (:
While speaking with an old friend, ironically I might add, I was reading this article online: "Connecting With Your Spirit Guide", and if you read through it then it kind of makes you more aware of how life speaks to you.
I have a friend that knows exactly what their Spirit Guide looks like, knows where to look for him, and has seen him on a many of occasions since a very young age, possibly further back then should be remembered. But, in my eyes that person is pretty advanced in their Craft as well, so its not too surprising really. However, I've been trying to extend my knowledge and I guess, "catch up" in what I've been lagging in, and though I've never seen mine, I know when its around. There's been several occasions that before, I would of thought was just coincidence or a "miracle" that a said instance didn't happen or did. But when I look back on it, I always have the option to ignore my gut, or go against the grain as some would call it, and sometimes I had but even through my stubbornest acts, I've been I guess spared. That is magik to me.

Also, just found out why I've loved the Heartagram but not H.I.M for so long. Epic reminders of what was to be, that's also considered magik.

Happy Findings.
So mote it be. (:

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

Hello My Dears,

Lots and lots have changed over the past year, so lets recollect yeah?
Moved out in the beginning of the year. Was going to move out with my best friend (at the time) and boyfriend. -Well this bf turned out to be a cheating, no good liar-face.

But with that, also brought a new best friend whom I love and cherish dearly.  Its rather ironic, how such horrible and un-human circumstances bring people closer. Especially since we started out hating one another, and ended up loving each other.

Did end up moving out, it only lasted a sad 7 months until my "best friend", decided to act like a complete and utter jackass.  After the fun charade of knocking up his girlfriend-- about a month or so after we moved in, things were definitely changing, and not for the better due to his participation. We did get to own a kitty-kat, which this is definitely named after, Mow-Mow, whom I LOVED dearly.

She was a great buddy in the house of horrors. Turns out my "best friend" doesn't know how to clean, do dishes or even pick up after himself--and is completely oblivious to the fact that when its 90 degrees outside, its often 95 or more inside.
Into the summer seasons, around I want to say mid-June our cooling system completely broke down, and it was into our best interest to fix it. Which we never did, so I ran fans around the house which he was certain made our electricity so high---NOT. But in fact it was his COMPUTER that he left running 90% of the time, during the day and into the night. So since we had such a small upstairs condo, it was in fact hotter and small, neither one being good attributes to humidity or stupidity.
Needless to say, throughout the heat, and the childish behavior and money arguments, one last straw and I was out. Which by the way, was one July morning I believe when I woke up to go to work, and I went into the bathroom and the toilet was completely over-flowing onto the bathroom floor.  So that was it, not only was the place a total disaster, for me, him and his girlfriend that had moved in, don't know how she dealt with it all, really. But I was done and gone, I cleaned up what I could of the swamp disaster and had all my stuff out by the end of the day. Spent a week at my boyfriend's apartment, college housing none the less, and moved into more college housing across the street later on. Not only did our contract get messed up, but that kid blamed me for the toilet and a bunch of other stuff,  ridiculous, outrageous things at that.   >.< To say the very least, he let my bank account have it.

College housing wasn't any better. For about a week, it was only me and one other girl there, which was swell. Then the kids starting piling in, and turns out I knew one of the girls that moved in, which I thought was going to be awesome. Turns out I was wrong. Then a set of sisters moved in, they were decent people, but very immature and unaware of how to act civil.  Oh yeah, and after having an issue earlier this exact year, (being diagnosed with gallstones) my job for one month short of a year also deteriorated, as such they (Teleperformance) have no humanity towards their employee's, I was "let go", as my manager put it, soundly sheepish and ashamed on the phone. Like he expected me to hex him, or start bitching him, I had wanted to--but held back from doing. ---That day though, I had gotten myself hired at a Local Subway, knowing the end was nearing and I had to do whatever to keep my place of residence near. Though, as all things that didn't turn out to be very successful - as such after about 3 1/2 months of that, I am again residing at my parents house back in Springville, until I can afford another adventure out on my own.

Bits and pieces unmentioned, my beloved Civic died sometime in October, which I'm still currently trying to sell- and the truck that Tom and his brother Will have been trying to fix up---I finally fixed and his mother is selling to me is done, and hopefully will be legal this weekend. (:
Oh yeah, and me and Thomas are back together, as most of you well know. Things between friends are reconciled, and others are gone. People come and go, but those who care will always remain where need them the most.

Life lessons suck, but I've learned a lot this year. Thankfully, I still have people around me that care. Hopefully I will be adding more to this blog soon! Thanks for listening/reading. Hope everyone had a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving. <3